Marriage Check-In: Powerful Questions for a Lasting Connection

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As a mom, it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of parenting, household chores, and work commitments. The days are long, and it feels like there’s always something that needs to be done. Amidst this, one of the most important relationships in my life—the one with my spouse, can often get pushed to the back burner. But I’ve come to realize that maintaining a strong, connected marriage is essential for not only my well-being but also for the well-being of my entire family.

That’s why I created a regular marriage check-in routine with my spouse. It’s a time for us to pause, reflect, and nurture our connection. 

These check-ins aren’t about rehashing old arguments or solving every problem; they’re about intentionally connecting, making sure we’re both heard, and ensuring that we’re supporting each other.

In this post, I’ll share the questions and practices that have helped my husband and me stay on the same page and continue to grow together. Whether you’re in a busy season of life or simply want to deepen your bond, these check-in questions will help guide you toward a healthier, more intentional relationship.

Why Marriage Check-Ins Matter

When I first became a mom, my relationship with my spouse shifted. We were no longer just two individuals trying to balance life, careers, and personal interests. 

We were now parents, managing the delicate dance of parenting together. It’s easy to lose sight of the “us” when there’s a constant focus on the “kids,” and that’s where the marriage check-in comes in.

By dedicating time to our marriage, we’ve found that we are more patient, compassionate, and present with each other and our children. Our relationship feels stronger, and it’s easier to navigate the ups and downs that come with both parenting and life in general.

The Importance of Intentional Connection

Intentional connection is key to maintaining a strong and fulfilling relationship. The busyness of life can lead to surface-level conversations or moments where you feel like roommates rather than romantic partners. Intentional connection means taking time to dig deeper, to understand each other’s needs, and to foster a sense of closeness that doesn’t get lost in the chaos.

I realized that the small moments of connection were just as important as the big ones. Simple check-ins can pave the way for deeper communication and allow for mutual support when things get tough.

Key Marriage Check-In Questions

Here are some of the questions we ask each other during our marriage check-ins. These have helped us reflect on our relationship, keep the conversation flowing, and address any issues that may have come up.

How Are You Feeling?

This question may seem basic, but it’s crucial. Sometimes, I’ll get so caught up in the day-to-day that I forget to ask my husband how he’s really feeling emotionally, physically, and mentally. This simple question opens the door for a real conversation, allowing both of us to express where we’re at in our lives.

It also helps me see if he’s carrying any emotional weight that I might not be aware of. We all have our struggles, and this question helps us be mindful of each other’s mental and emotional well-being.

Do You Feel Supported by Me Right Now?

As moms, we often carry a lot of responsibilities. But I’ve learned that my husband has his own set of pressures and responsibilities, too. Asking him if he feels supported helps me gauge if I’ve been giving him the emotional and physical support he needs.

This question is also a reminder for me to check in on myself: Have I been asking for support when I need it? Am I being open about my own needs?

What Has Been the Most Challenging Part of the Week for You?

Life can be stressful, especially with kids, work, and everything else that comes with it. This question helps us reflect on the challenges we’ve both faced and provides insight into what might have been difficult or frustrating for each other.

It’s also a way for us to express empathy. If one of us has had a particularly tough week, we can offer extra support, whether it’s through a kind word, a break, or just a listening ear.

4. What Do You Need More of from Me?

This question is all about getting specific. It’s easy to say “I need more support” or “I need more attention,” but what exactly does that look like? Do I need more help around the house? More time for self-care? Or just more quality time together? This question helps pinpoint exactly what we both need from one another.

It’s also a great opportunity to check in on the emotional side of things. Do we need more affection, validation, or reassurance? Being specific about needs helps avoid misunderstandings.

How Can We Make Time for Ourselves as a Couple?

I know that as a mom, I often feel guilty about taking time away from my family. But I’ve learned that prioritizing my relationship with my spouse is just as important as spending time with the kids. 

This question helps us plan quality time together, whether it’s a date night, a weekend getaway, or just a quiet evening at home without distractions.

By asking this question regularly, we make sure that we don’t lose sight of our relationship amid the busyness of life.

What’s One Thing You Appreciate About Me?

In the hustle of everyday life, it’s easy to forget to appreciate one another. This question is a way for both of us to acknowledge the little things that often go unnoticed. 

It could be something as simple as “I appreciate how you always help with dinner” or “I’m thankful for the way you support me when I’m feeling overwhelmed.”

Not only does this question boost morale, but it also helps us foster a deeper sense of gratitude in our marriage.

Are We on the Same Page About Parenting Right Now?

Parenting is one of the most significant aspects of our relationship, and it’s important to check in with each other to make sure we’re aligned in our approach. This question allows us to discuss any issues or concerns related to our kids and ensure we’re on the same page when it comes to discipline, routines, or family values.

Sometimes, this conversation leads to important discussions about how we want to raise our children and the type of environment we want to create for them.

A detailed black and white image featuring ornate rings on a delicate rose, symbolizing elegance and romance.

Tips for Successful Marriage Check-Ins

Now that you have some key questions, here are a few tips to make the most out of your marriage check-ins:

Make It Regular

Consistency is key. Whether it’s weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly, make sure you’re setting aside time to check in with your spouse. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation, but it’s important to make it a priority.

Create a Safe Space

Marriage check-ins should feel safe and comfortable. Make sure you’re in a space where you can talk openly without distractions. This might mean setting aside time after the kids are asleep or finding a quiet spot in your home to have the conversation.

Be Honest, but Kind

The goal is to strengthen your relationship, not to criticize each other. Be honest about your feelings, but also approach the conversation with kindness and understanding. It’s okay to disagree, but always show empathy and respect.

Listen Actively

The check-in isn’t just about talking; it’s about listening too. When your spouse shares something, listen without interrupting or immediately offering solutions. Sometimes, just having someone listen is the best way to connect.

Celebrate the Wins

Marriage check-ins aren’t just about addressing challenges. Take time to celebrate the successes, big or small. Whether it’s a job well done or a special moment shared, acknowledging your wins helps reinforce the positive aspects of your relationship.

Final Thoughts

Marriage, like motherhood, requires constant effort and intentionality. 

As moms, it’s easy to lose sight of our relationships when we’re so focused on taking care of our families. But by making time for regular check-ins and asking the right questions, we can nurture our marriages and build a strong foundation for the future.

If you’re feeling disconnected from your spouse, try incorporating these questions into your routine. It’s a simple but powerful way to ensure that you stay emotionally connected and continue to grow together, no matter what life throws your way.

Have you and your spouse tried marriage check-ins? What questions have worked for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

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